Gretel's Space

 The solitude here became more and more unbearable for me recently, which at first was diligently sought after on purpose by me last year-end.   A number of mistakes were committed in the course of teaching at the last school, which was revealed to me these days after an unusual talk on the phone with a junior former colleague at interning school.   She has made such a huge progress since then, and made herself through all toils to become a qualified and permanent teacher at a public school downtown.   Now a new goal is right before her again these days of this year, graduate school!   Even I would and should feel face flushed standing in front of her in person.  What have I done since we met several times in Changhwa city?  Have I gained any in wisdom, maturity, confidence, professional knowledge and skills since then?  Did I make less mistakes?  Did I become more true and audacious to be myself?  Did I become a better learner and a healthier and more sound person?  Did I even realize how much I possess in my congenital ability, or how far/ much I can achieve in reality?  Did I have a good understanding of me myself?  While answers to the above questions don’t seem to be all positive, another one occurs to me as well: am I defeated by my inner alter self, by being not able to get along well with specific persons, by giving up certain rare valuable opportunities and by blemishing my own reputation and by concerning far very much about other people’s feelings and judgment on me?  Goodness!  My seniority cannot afford spendthrift and carelessness of my own.  Should have been more wary and meticulous on each decision.  How can I turn it right?  Can I really be dependent on myself, on different mortal persons or on the invisible Almighty?

... 極懷疑自己太*ox#了...

先懂得坐下的道理，也就是讓心安定下來，那怕人生的霧多濃，只要心安定，何處不自在！不論是士、農、工、商那一業，也能各盡其分，各安其所。世間事，雖說成之在人，但結果卻要看「天」了。只要心裡安定下來便能自在，一切活在恬靜喜悅中。

人們不講道理、思想謬誤、自我中心，不管怎樣，總是愛他們；
如果你做善事，人們說你自私自利、別有用心，不管怎樣，總是要做善事；

不知道是好是壞，星期一晚上的胡思亂想，結果星期二下午就跑去一間'命理店'了(oh no)，就說要算自己的名字好不好，需不需要改名字，能不能畢業，請建議幾個名字，最後我就拿到數十個名字回來了。就是以前看到同學改過名字等等的，現在再看看自己的名字，很不喜歡，很討厭、很差、看不出性別、而且… 想很久了。  

新新的身分證拿到了，小一點點，但看了令人很高興...  

其實現在國內中學(含國高中)的老師或是學生都不輕鬆，雖然我至今只有一年(教高中)的教英文經歷，但是已經覺得課程還是「很多」都不熟悉！先把國高中英文一科的版本都列出來：

國民中學：康軒、南一*、翰林/佳音、朗文、何嘉仁、合聲、…

初學語言可能發生聽錯的糗事，大概很經典吧，所以第二則出現在Douglas Brown的The Principles of Language Teaching書中，故事似乎有兩個版本：

8. 敦煌英語教學電子雜誌(文章導覽區，可訂閱)

http://cet.cavesbooks.com.tw/htm/guide.htm